


If We Scatter

by TheObligatedKlutz



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Aromantic Jonah Beck, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, High School, M/M, Minor Jonah Beck/Andi Mack, Other, Perhaps Fluff, Photographs, T. J. Kippen & Amber Are Siblings, The GHC, The Kippen Twins, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-10-17 09:05:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17557418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheObligatedKlutz/pseuds/TheObligatedKlutz
Summary: When Cyrus gets his acceptance letter from Harvard in his senior year of high school, he immediately buys a Polaroid.Or the highschool adventures of Cyrus Goodman and the extended GHC.





	1. Stormy Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyrus comes to Bex when he's struck with the sudden realization that everything is about to change.

When Cyrus got his acceptance letter from Harvard in his senior year of high school, he immediately bought a Polaroid camera. He was planning on taking a bunch of photos with his friends for memories. Maybe make a scrapbook, a few calendars, wallet-sized ones...

He was really just keeping his mind busy at this point because if he didn’t, the sinking feeling in his heart would become all-consuming. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that they were all separating. Scattering like fallen leaves.

After this year, Andi was planning to go to the New York Academy of Arts and Buffy was training to compete in the Olympics. Jonah was attending this prestigious Music school in L.A. and Marty and TJ had a basketball scholarship to University of Utah going for them. Amber wanted to follow her brother to UofU for her social science degree. They all had their futures planned out and those plans didn’t include each other, and that thought alone made his chest tight with anxiety.

He had enough time to think on and figure out what he was going to do as he drove towards the Mack household. He’d been practically avoiding TJ, Buffy and Andi all day in school. The rest were pretty easy to avoid as Marty was always where Buffy or TJ were and Amber and Jonah were stuck to Andi’s side. And he prayed now that Andi wouldn’t be home so he could talk to Bex alone.

“Cyrus?” Bex was surprised to see him. She looked dishevelled, her hair was in a messy bun and she was cradling her baby bump. Nevertheless, even in her oversized Nirvana T-shirt and sweatpants, she glowed in the afternoon sunlight.

“Did I…interrupt something?” Cyrus asked as Bex opened the door a little wider to let him in. Bex and Bowie had finally decided to buy a bigger house a few months after the pregnancy announcement and it was really coming together. For the most part, Andi’s eye for decor and design made the house look like a renaissance artist had done the work instead of a teenage girl with an obsession with washi tape and recyclable art.

“No. I was trying to watch _The Office_ but little mouse kept kickin’.” Bex replied, staring curiously at Cyrus.

“Uh…Is Andi still in her Pottery class?” Cyrus asked, chewing his lips as he finally matched gazes with Bex. There was a shakiness in his voice and a storm brewing in his eyes that prodded at Bex’s already alert maternal instincts.

She pulled the boy into the house, closing the door lightly so as not to startle him.

“What’s wrong?” She asked with a steady voice, rubbing his back and leading him to the couch.

“Nothing. I…just needed some help figuring this out. I know you own one so…” He brought up his hand to show Bex the Polaroid he bought on his way there. He’d been wanting to get one for awhile especially since he didn’t have many photos of his friends and that created the fear that maybe if he didn’t have evidence of their existence, he’d forget about them or worse...they’d forget about him.

“Take a seat. Lemme grab mine and give you a demo.” Bex never pushed like his parents did. She’d wait for him to open up and he loved her for that.

In the silence of the Mack household, Cyrus realized how loud the sound of their clock was. It was an almost taunting _tick tick tick_ that reminded him of how low he ran on time. He had so many things he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to do with everyone he loved-

Before Cyrus could fall into a panic attack, Bex was shuffling back into the room with her camera and a small wooden box tucked under her arm. She sat back down on one end of the couch, crossing her legs and depositing the box and polaroid in the cushions between her and Cyrus. 

“I wanted to show you these sooner but I just never got the chance to. I took a bunch of polaroids of the gang at the roller skating rink we went to last week.” Bex had this twinkle in her eyes every time she talked about Cloud 10 or her photography and for the past eight months, the look was directed at her growing stomach. She was such a mama bear that now that Cyrus thought about it, he was really gonna miss her.

“Here. I think you’ll like this one.” Bex dug out a small rectangular photograph from the wooden box, handing it to him.

One look at the image and the words underneath and Cyrus broke, his loud shuddering breath ripping through the peace.

It was a photo of the group. There wasn’t an exact time when Jonah, TJ, Marty and Amber started hanging around to the point of them becoming some of his best friends, but if he attempted to point out an approximate time, it would have to be the summer after middle school.

That summer, like many other, had brought upon sticky sweat and beach days and cold vanilla milkshakes. But what made those two months different than most summers was the fact that they dragged a wretched sense of dread with them. Cyrus, Andi, Buffy and Jonah were hit with the sudden realization that change of epic proportions was underway which brought an adolescent crisis so monumental, no amount of baby taters or ice cream could get them out of their grief. They’d spent a whole weekend gorging on chips and thinking of every possible thing that could go wrong in high school; they could have a fight and lose each other, what if they found new friends, what if they stopped hanging out, what if one of them got popular (Jonah would definitely get popular!).

Usually, this was Cyrus’ line of work because Cyrus was a worrier and a nervous wreck and he had the one white hair to prove it. But this time around, Andi was the one who had caused the chaos. She had found Bex’s high school yearbook. Bex had been popular for her antics, endeavours and edgy fashion in high school and she had several pictures in the yearbook to prove it. Buffy was the one to notice that the people surrounding Bex in the first picture didn’t match the crowd of people that were in the fourth or fifth picture. When they asked Bex about it, she said that “friends changed all the time in high school, you walked out of one crowd and into another every other month.”

There wasn’t a lot that spooked the GHC + Jonah but that one line out of Bex’s mouth had them all freaking out. Buffy and Jonah tried to calm down Andi and Cyrus’ frantic thoughts but they soon fell into the same hole. Buffy wondered if anybody else could put up with her sass like Andi and Cyrus did. Jonah realized that he couldn’t ask for better friends; Buffy and Andi were a great support system and Cyrus was there for him through all his panic attacks and bad times. What would he do without them?

It was the Monday after the weekend when Marty, along with TJ and Amber, stormed into Bex’s apartment to interrupt the group’s collective despair. When they came across the mess that was the Good Hair Crew and Jonah, it took them three hours to convince them that they could never separate. They were a unit since second grade (middle school for Jonah) and hell would have to personify to split them apart. At the end of it, Marty got his confident girlfriend back and Cyrus, Andi and Jonah became closer to TJ and Amber. They spent almost all summer together doing everything from having picnics and bowling to going arcading and taking rides in stray shopping carts. Nothing like a little chaos to bring a whole lot of people closer together.

Before they knew it, high school had started, they were still all good friends and somebody had heard Cyrus call them the Good Hair Crew and that name spread through the school like wildfire. They were no longer GHC + Jonah, TJ, Amber and Marty. They were _all_ the GHC. Cyrus was proud that he hadn’t had to be the one to spread the rumour for once.

In the polaroid Bex had handed him, they were all sitting on the stairs outside the roller skating rink: Andi and Jonah in the front, the Kippen twins in the middle, and Cyrus, Buffy and Marty in the back. The white theme, they all decided on, was simultaneously overwhelming and drawing the image together. He could still clearly recall Andi’s _Regina George_ voice “On roller skating day, we wear white” when Jonah and Marty complained about how ridiculous it was to ‘match’ like they were some sort of clique.

He remembered Bex’s insistence for this picture and how they had all clambered over each other to get it taken so they could finally go roller skate.

He could still remember the way TJ had wrapped an arm around his waist when he almost fell on his face. He had gotten distracted by Buffy and Marty kissing on the sidelines of the roller skating rink and TJ had wolf-whistled. Buffy had jumped away and glared at the basketball player before slipping away gracefully. Marty stared after her with utter awe framing his face.

_“Nice one, dude.” TJ made to high-five Marty but Marty crossed his arms and scowled at TJ._

_He watched Buffy join Amber, Andi and Jonah at the other side of the rink._

_“You killed the mood, dumbass. I was making my move.” Marty hissed, leaning against the glass wall._

_“What move?” The look of confusion on TJ’s face sent Cyrus into a laughing fit._

_“Maybe take some notes, TJ. At least, Marty knows how to make a move.” He muffled his giggles as he watched TJ pout. Marty joined him, making a point to laugh long and hard at TJ’s face, only to run off when TJ went to lunge at him._

_“Yeah, you_ better _run, Miller.” TJ yelled after him and Marty only laughed louder. He turned towards Cyrus, the pout still clear on his face but now, his eyes twinkled with mischief._

 _“What? Are you kidding me? I know how to make a move. I'm like_ super _romantic.” TJ took a step towards Cyrus, his arms raising up to catch the boy._

_Cyrus stuck out his tongue at TJ, turning around to roller skate towards the group before his boyfriend could catch him. The taller boy was faster. He pulled Cyrus into his arms by his waist, cuddling him against his body, Cyrus' back to TJ's chest. He giggled when TJ placed his chin on his shoulder._

_Cyrus searched for the weird group of people he loved so much in the crowds. The court was lit up with a kaleidoscope of neon fluorescents scattering over the skins of roller skaters. The electric beat reverberated from the speakers as people danced in a circle around the rink. If Cyrus were to explain happiness in an image, this would be it. Bex sat at the benches, caressing her belly, while Bowie waved a Chinese paper fan at her face. If it wasn’t such a hilarious sight, Cyrus would find it adorable. Marty was back at Buffy’s side, holding her hand and roller skating in front of her. Jonah skated beside her and Buffy laughed at something he said. A little ways away, Andi danced with Amber, following the music with each spin and step. Amber whispered something in her ear and Andi shoved her, grinning from ear to ear._

_“Do you think they’ll ever get together?” Cyrus asked, watching the pair with a sigh._

_“Hmm?” Cyrus shivered at TJ’s breath in his ear and tightened his hold on TJ’s arms._

_“Andi and Amber. Do you think either of them will ever ask the other out?”_

_“I don’t know. Amber’s complicated._ I _think so and I’m her twin. Whenever I mention Andi, she just says that they’ll never be more than friends.” TJ answered, sighing._

_“Why does she say that?” Cyrus asked, turning his head to look at TJ. The taller boy was now watching the pair curiously._

_“She thinks Andi is still hung up on Jonah.”_

_“But she’s not.”_

_Andi and Jonah dated on and off for the majority of middle school and 9th grade but had finally ended it, on friendly terms, in the beginning of their sophomore year of high school. Jonah came out as aro three days later. The weird thing was Andi was the one who initiated the breakup even though Jonah had said that he was planning on doing it himself because he had realized he didn’t have romantic feelings towards her. Andi's reasoning for the breakup was that she was in love with someone else._

_She was in love with Amber. Andi revealed as much to Cyrus when she came to his house crying a week later because she saw Amber kissing another girl. Cyrus invited Buffy to help him comfort Andi and they had the most memorable sleepover of their life that night. By the end, Andi had accepted that Amber might be the one and only love of her life and that that love may stay unrequited forever._

_Thinking back to it, Cyrus realized he had learned more about his friends in those two weeks than he had in the majority of the time they had known each other._

_And it had been about two years since then and Andi and Amber were still the best of friends, refusing to acknowledge any other feelings towards each other and being totally and completely oblivious. It looked too much like TJ and Cyrus’ history and it made Cyrus deeply sad and concerned to see them tread that same path. That path gave way to misery, loneliness and incredible despair._

_“I know that. And you know that. But Amber refuses to believe that.” TJ blew out a breath._

_“So what do we do?”_

_“Nothing, Cy. Amber made it clear that she doesn’t want any of us meddling. Anyways, you can’t solve everyone’s problems.” TJ finally turned towards Cyrus and he realized they were mere inches apart and Cyrus had the sudden yearning to get lost in those green eyes forever._

_“Sure, I can.” Cyrus smiled that blinding smile and TJ thought he could end world hunger and create world peace right there and then._ _TJ Kippen was_ so _smitten._

_“No, you can’t. It takes time and effort on Andi and Amber’s part. Just like I had to work pretty hard to get you to go out with me.” TJ’s breath tickled his lips._

_“You just had to say the words and I’d go anywhere with you, you idiot.” Cyrus whispered, staring at the boy who was still leaning against his shoulder._

_"That's not what I meant." TJ smiled softly before turning Cyrus around in his arms and pulling him into a gentle kiss. It lasted all of ten seconds and tasted of the cherry soda that TJ had chugged before they entered the roller skating rink. And then, TJ was pulling away, whispering soft words to him. “I love you, Cy-”_

“ **-rus** , hon, what’s going on?” Bex looked so concerned as if Cyrus was her own child. He realized he’d been staring at the Polaroid in his hands, gripping it with so much strength that it bent at one side. There were tears rolling down his cheeks and one had fallen on the Polaroid, in the space just right of where Jonah was sitting in the image. He wiped at it, erasing some of the colour from that spot on the photograph. Cyrus looked up at Bex apologetically, but Bex paid no attention to the photograph in his hands as she watched him, waiting for him to say something.

“I-” He choked back the sob threatening to spill out of his throat. “I got into Harvard.”

Bex felt utterly perplexed. “I…don’t understand. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“I didn’t think it’d actually happen.” Cyrus whispered, so quietly that Bex craned her neck closer to hear.

“What?”

“I don’t want to leave my home, my family, my friends…”

“Cy, you’re not leaving anybody. There is no way we’d let you feel like that. We’re all a phone call away and Andi and Buffy and the rest will always be there, even at a distance.” Bex hugged him now, caressing his hair in comfort.

“And what about TJ?” He asked as he detached himself from her.

“What about him?” Bex furrowed her eyebrows, her confusion only increasing with each words Cyrus spoke. Cyrus was making no sense and Bex was honestly afraid for his state of mind at this point.

“Long distance relationships don’t work. You know that more than anyone.” Cyrus didn’t mean to blurt that last part out. “Sorry, I-”

“Don’t be. They can work. Yeah, Bowie and I broke up because he wanted to travel the world and pursue his career and I knew we couldn’t handle a long distance thing but we found each other again, didn’t we?” She reassured him, smiling brightly.

Bex was hit with the sudden realization that the middle school Cyrus that she always pictured in her head was _no longer_  a kid. He was worried about the idea of adulting, issues of long distance relationships and moving away and change, and it made Bex’s heart warm. She couldn’t help but be proud of the man sitting in front of her.

Cyrus nodded his head forlornly, playing with a loose thread on his jeans.

“And anyways, it’ll work for you and TJ.”

Cyrus’ head snapped up and he looked at her with this deep-seated sadness in his eyes like he’d been thinking about this for years. “How do you know?”

“'Cause TJ _loves_ you. So much. It is so painfully obvious.” Bex thought back to all the times she caught TJ watching Cyrus like he hung the moon. TJ was _crazy_ about him.

“I don’t know…time and distance change a person.”

“You talk like an old man, Cy.” Bex ruffled his hair and Cyrus giggled, pushing her hand away playfully.

They were silent for a moment, just laying their heads back on the couch and staring up at the cream-white ceiling before Bex remembered. “How long have you been thinking about all this?”

Cyrus licked his lips, contemplating answering before giving in. _Come on, it was Bex._ “Sophomore year.”

“Did you realize you were in love with him then?”

“I’ve been in love with him since eighth grade.” Cyrus didn’t miss a beat this time. His answer was so sure, it was practically an instinct.

“Does he know that?” Bex looked over at him. He still seemed lost.

“No.”

“You should tell him. Right after you tell him you got into Harvard-- which, by the way, I’m so proud of you-”

“I don’t want to tell him.” The storm was back in Cyrus’ eyes.

He was so scared. He was _terrified_. Telling Bex was one thing but telling TJ was a whole other story. Telling TJ meant it was set in stone. Telling TJ meant he was signing away his relationship to fate. Telling TJ meant he had to give up on the one person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

“ _And please don’t tell Andi_.”

“If you don’t eventually, then I will have to.” Cyrus opened his mouth to argue but Bex threw him a look that shut him down immediately.

He looked down at his hands and noticed he was still holding on to the Polaroid. This photo was a memory trapped in a square and it was the one memory he wanted to have at hand so he could remember the good times.

“Can I keep this one, please?”

Maybe it was the havoc engraved on his face or his dried tears that had Bex gently smiling at him and nodding her head. As if she’d be able to deny him anything anyway.

“By the way, I’m sorry. For springing this on you I mean.” The guilt on his face was uncalled for and Bex told him as much. If there was one thing about Cyrus, it was the fact that everyone came to him with their problems but he never got the chance to share his problems with anyone. Bex felt honoured to be the one that Cy opened up to because he so rarely did. And she mentally vowed to be there every time he needed someone to talk to.

“I’ll always be here for you.” She said gently, squeezing his hand firmly. Bex gasped suddenly, smiling down at her stomach.

“What?” Cyrus asked, startled by her sudden reaction.

“I think little mouse likes you.” She said this as she put Cyrus’ hand over her belly. Cyrus found himself laughing, in total awe at the sudden soft jerk in Bex’s stomach. The movement brought the kind of joy within Cyrus that he hadn’t felt since last week. It was something he wanted to memorize so no sadness could ever reach him.

“Have you thought of names yet?” He asked as he looked down at Bex’s bump, feeling incredible affection for Andi’s future brother or sister.

“I have them picked out but it’ll be a surprise just like the gender. I guess you’ll find out in about a month’s time.” Bex replied, patting her stomach gently.

“I…Thank you for letting me…you know.”

“Anytime, Cy.”

With polaroids scattered around them, a kick of a life not yet born to this world, and a woman who loved him like her own son, Cyrus felt like everything would be alright for that one moment.

 


	2. Three Hearts Sinking On a Principle Pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A *look back* at how TJ and Cyrus came to be.

_**Two and a Half Years Ago** _

 

It was a cold November day in Shadyside with snow already gracing the ground in bright white. The leaves had fallen and shriveled in the comings and goings of the frosty wind and you could see your breath ghost in the air.

TJ’s second year at Grant High had come in with several surprises. One of which he suffered the consequences of at this very moment. The Jaguars had their third game of the season in a week and one of their top players had broken his leg, leaving their backup to fill in. Their backup was terrible.

Cyrus had told him to give Benny the benefit of the doubt. Of course, he knew the name of the benchwarmer. He knew the name of practically every student in their grade and then some. TJ sometimes envied Cyrus’ sociable qualities, as much as he was awkward, he could befriend anything that moved. In comparison, TJ looked intimidating and spoke his mind which gave him his renowned icy persona.

Even in first year, TJ made it clear to anyone who approached him or his group of friends to tread lightly because any kind of insult out of their mouth and he would lunge. He was especially known to be protective of one Cyrus Goodman to the point where one gutsy student called him a “guard dog” in the beginning of second year. He got a broken nose for his effort and TJ got detention and _not_ suspension because Student Body President Cyrus Goodman convinced Principle Kerwinski that it would never happen again. And it didn’t, because Cyrus lectured him for a whole month about it and brought the incident up every time he saw broken nose kid (who ran for his life whenever he encountered either of the boys) in the hallways.

So there he was, trying to pep talk Benny, trying to get him to shoot a few baskets and run a few laps and get in good shape before the week was over.

The basketball court was booming with life today, with one side of the court taken up by the girls’ basketball team practicing for an away game and the other side taken up by TJ, Benny and a few other basketballers doing drills.

Most of the players had already made some lousy excuse to get out of helping the backup, but Cyrus had reminded TJ that to make captain, he had to be there for the ones who needed help. As much as he was trying, he was starting to grow _extremely_ frustrated. Not to mention, the sound of squeaking feet and screeching whistles gave TJ a dose of sensory overload he had only ever experienced in middle school.

To clear his head, he looked up to see if he could catch a look at Cyrus sitting at the bleachers. There was something about Cyrus that was so incredibly calming, like a cold breeze on a hot day or the first, gentle snowfall of the season. He could be having a bout of his intense aggression and one thought of his Underdog could bring him right back. It was like Cyrus pulled him back to the present second, brought him back to the good moments in his life. Sometimes, he tried to think of a word to explain it to Jonah and Marty when they were playing video games together or just sitting around reading comic books, but he had yet to find the word to describe this feeling.

When he finally did find him, Cyrus was no longer sitting at the bench. He had abandoned his homework at the bleachers and was stood to the side talking to a pretty brunette standing next to resident troublemaker Reed Carver.

"Hey Ben, let's end for today." TJ said, not taking his eyes off of the three on the side, as he patted Benny on the shoulder before jogging over to the change room.

He didn't fully understand the cold tendrils of jealousy in his veins yet but man oh man, that realization was going to hit him _hard_.

\-----

Cyrus and Reed had come a long way since the gun incident. Reed had come up to him in their first year at Grant and apologized. Cyrus had forgiven him because according to TJ, Reed had been trying to get his act together and had done more than the required amount of community service to prove it to his parents and friends.

You could tell that Cyrus was still careful around Reed and TJ got even more protective than usual, because there was no way in hell he would let Reed drag his best friend into that kind of danger again. _Never_ again. But lo and behold, Cyrus and Reed became fast friends in History. TJ hadn’t liked it at first but Reed was _really_ good at being good and it was hard to persuade Cyrus to not give him the benefit of the doubt.

"Hey, Pencil." Reed waved at him, a smirk gracing his face and Cyrus looked up from the simultaneous equations he had been trying to solve.

"Hey, Reed." Cyrus smiled back, putting his textbook down and standing up to greet him. “Staying out of the shady side of Shadyside, I hope?”

“Yes, _Mom_.” Reed said, rolling his eyes.

"Please tell me your name isn't actually 'pencil.'" The girl next to Reed interrupted. She had curly brown hair tied up in a ponytail and olive coloured skin that brought out her hazel eyes.

"No, it's not really. But Reed can't remember my real name.” Cyrus said.

"Ha ha. Hilarious, _Cyrus_. It's just my way of reminding myself that I still need to return your pencil-"

"-that you borrowed in week two of first year. I’m never getting it back, I've accepted that." Cyrus laughed at the narrowed eyes Reed gave him.

He turned to the girl with an inviting smile. "I'm Cyrus Goodman." He stuck out a hand for the girl to take.

“Olivia Valdes. I just transferred from Westmore.” She said as she took his hand and shook it firmly, cracking a white-toothed grin.

“Ah well, welcome, Olivia.”

“Anyone who helps me keep Reed out of trouble is already my best friend so call me Olly." Olivia replied, playfully punching Reed on the shoulder.

“ _Hey_. I stay out of trouble, thank you very much.” Reed said, crossing his arms.

"Man, even I know how hard that is for you and we’ve grown up together.” Olivia chuckled, grinning from ear to ear.

"Wait, _wait_. Are you the same Olivia that Reed can't stop talking about?"

"I _do not_ talk about her. What the h-" Reed hissed, looking from Cyrus to Olivia.

"I guess that's answer enough. We've been best friends since kindergarten if that helps any." Olivia interjected, pinching at Reed's blushing cheeks.

"I've been told. Nice to meet you, Olly."

“It's-"

"Hey, Cyrus?" It was TJ's smooth voice that interrupted them and all three turned to look at the boy.

He had changed out of his basketball attire and was now standing there in his ripped jeans and red flannel, looking quite a sight. At least, Olivia thought so as she openly checked him out. TJ was looking at her too but as compared to Olivia, there was just plain old curiosity in his eyes.

Reed seemed to catch on to Olivia's look of awe and figurative drool, and a frown carved itself into his face. He shook out of it so he could introduce TJ to Olivia.

”Nice to meet you." TJ said with a small smile, shrugging his duffle bag up higher on his shoulder as he brought a hand up for Olivia to shake.

By now, even Cyrus had noticed the way Olivia was twirling a piece of her hair around her finger. He'd only ever seen that once before: when Buffy was crushing on Walker. He felt his heart sink as Olivia shook TJ’s hand and easily struck up a conversation with him.

He swallowed his despair and turned towards the bench, collecting his notebook and textbook and shoving them away in his backpack in a hurried fashion.

Unbeknownst to him, Reed watched him. He watched Cyrus try not to fall apart in front of all of them. He wore the same cracked expression he had when TJ had started dating Tristan Black freshman year. It was this expression Cyrus got that was simultaneously stoic and terrifying. Only Andi, Buffy, Jonah and Reed could attest to it and that was only because they always seemed to be around when Cyrus Goodman got like that.

The dark, angry part of Reed wanted to punch the daylights out of TJ because not only was he actively flirting with Olivia but he was hurting _Cyrus_.

The same Cyrus who dropped everything to help him train for his big basketball games. The same Cyrus who held up posters and signs to cheer for him during games. The same Cyrus that would do anything and everything for TJ Kippen, no questions asked.

If Reed wasn’t totally in love with Olly and well, straight, he would give his world to Cyrus. He’d always hated how TJ was _so_ oblivious to Cyrus' feelings and sometimes, he wanted to shake the common sense into TJ.

Cyrus hiked his bag up onto his shoulders, ready to leave. He was supposed to catch a ride with TJ but he now decided that walking might be the better option. He turned towards the exit, stepping away from the three.

“Underdog, where’re you going?”

Cyrus hadn't even realized that TJ and Olivia had stopped talking and were now looking at him.

“Uh. My mom texted me so I should probably get home.” Cyrus’ left eyebrow twitched and that was all TJ needed to see to know that he was lying. Cyrus was one of the easiest people to read and it had taken TJ a short span of time with the boy to figure him out. TJ prided himself in being able to interpret Cyrus’ face but seeing his best friend lie to him like that established a new kind of ache in his chest.

“But we were supposed to get baby taters and milkshakes today.” TJ continued like his heart wasn’t pooling around his feet.

“Maybe, another time.” Cyrus’ sudden cold demeanor didn't sit well with any of them and they watched as the boy walked briskly towards the gym exit, not looking back once.

*****

It was five days after the game when TJ stormed over to the usual GHC lunch table. The cafeteria was teeming with teenagers laughing and TJ for once despised the jovial mood soaking the air. He’d just left English class and he bathed in fire so hot, he thought it was probably coming out of his eyes and ears.

"Olly asked me out."

Cyrus' head snapped up so fast that he swore he felt his spine shake with the movement. Andi sucked in a breath, jerking her head towards Cyrus to inspect his reaction. Buffy dropped her fork under the table and cursed under her breath.

"She did?" Cyrus asked, clearing his throat to get the tremor out of his voice. TJ looked straight at him, his expression a strange combination of dismay and disappointment. Cyrus quickly realized that he was being scrutinized by twelve pairs of eyes and he attempted to mask his face with a look of calm. But he was certain TJ had already seen the jealousy and heartache in his expression.

"Yeah. You know what else she said?" TJ’s nose flared and the corner of his lips curled up mirthlessly. Cyrus was pretty sure TJ’s question was rhetorical but the silence that followed and the way TJ stared at him rubbed his nerves raw anyway.

"She told me that you said to go for it. That you thought it was a good idea."

The tension was palpable at the table as the rest of the group took turns looking at TJ and Cyrus. Andi, Buffy and Amber directed their looks of frustration at Cyrus while the boys fidgeted at the sudden change of mood in their circle.

"Isn't it a good idea?" Cyrus asked, licking his lips nervously. This was a question Cyrus asked himself numerous times. Wasn’t telling Olivia that TJ was single and that "she should do for it" a good idea? _But_ was this sharp piercing in his chest and this sting in his eyes good? 

TJ's face fell at Cyrus’ answer, his heart lodging itself so far up in his throat that he lost every word he wanted to scream at Cyrus. He lost the words that he had practiced so frequently in front of his mirror so that he could, one day, say them to his best friend. He looked down at the ground as he chuckled. There was no room for humour in the sound that left his mouth.

*******

TJ and Olly had been dating for a month and half when she admitted defeat.

She tried to persuade herself that TJ was not _totally_ in love with Cyrus. And the kicker was that Cyrus was completely oblivious to the fact that TJ was head over heels for him.

She wondered if she was the only one who had noticed the way TJ watched Cyrus when he thought Cyrus wasn’t looking. She wondered if anyone saw the way TJ smiled tenderly at Cyrus’ every antic and looked at him with so much affection that even to an outside perspective, they seemed like the only two people on the planet. She was sure that somebody must’ve noticed the way Cyrus’ eyes flitted down to TJ’s lips during their many conversations. Or the way Cyrus sat unnecessarily close to TJ so that their shoulders would press together.

She wanted to say that the red flags hadn’t shown up the first day she sat down at the renowned GHC table, but she didn’t want to lie to herself anymore. She remembered how TJ had sat down, and invited her to sit next to him, only to spend most of his time paying attention to Cyrus.

He had unwrapped a small chocolate chocolate-chip muffin from a crisp paper bag and placed it on Cyrus’ tray. Apparently, it was pretty much routine at the table since year one. She’d heard the story from Andi. In Jefferson Middle School, Cyrus Goodman’s livelihood was these CCCMs but when they came to Grant, they found out that the baked goods were nowhere to be found. So, TJ had made it his duty to bake a batch of these muffins in the weekend for Cyrus and give him one _every_ lunch period.

And if that wasn’t enough, TJ and Cyrus both had a habit of picking at food from each others’ lunches without a second thought. Oh, and there was that one time TJ brushed an eyelash off of Cyrus’ cheek and then, continued to hover over his face for a time that Olivia deemed _way too long_.

Seeing all this, Olivia couldn’t help but question what she was doing at TJ’s side when Cyrus should’ve been the one taking up this space.

She tried to swallow the shards of her heart and kept at it because TJ was worth it. He was so adorable and sweet and everything Olivia wished for in a boyfriend. But everytime TJ did anything like get her a gift or take her on a cheesy over-the-top date, Olivia couldn’t help but think it wasn’t for her. It would never be for her because while TJ did all these things to satisfy her, the smile he wore around her never reached his eyes. That same smile was so bright around Cyrus, it was like the sun personified.  

Olivia knew it and saw it all too but she wanted him for herself. The selfishness dung deep claws into her skin and she didn’t mind when it came to her boyfriend.

Then, the Reed incident happened and Olivia _knew_ she had to give TJ Kippen up.

  



	3. Three Hearts Sinking On a Principle Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A *look back* at how TJ and Cyrus came to be.

 

**Two years and five months ago**

 

 

“What is it going to take for you to believe us?”

Sunlight filtered through the windows, laying a much needed blanket of warmth over The Spoon. The extended GHC sans TJ sat at a corner booth, away from the crowds of teenagers pouring into the diner during the busy Friday afternoon. Compared to the sounds of laughter and friendly banter coming from the surrounding groups of strangers, frustration filled the air around his friends as the girls used the opportunity, of TJ being away on a date with Olly, to convince Cyrus Goodman of what a complete dumbass he was being.

“More than ‘ _ he is so nice to you _ ,  _ Cyrus _ .’” Cyrus mocked as he fiddled with the salt shaker. Their food had yet to arrive and he was sweating under his collar by the interrogative quality his group of friends were now radiating.

“Well, he is.” Andi spoke up in exasperation. “More than he is with any of us.”

“But  _ okay _ , you want a list? We’ll give you a list.” Buffy sneered, cracking her knuckles. “Number 1, Tristan.”

He remembered Tristan. He was the boy that TJ asked out in freshman year. TJ and Tristan were stuck to the hip for the first three weeks but they had started developing problems soon after. They had only lasted a month and Cyrus never got the full story behind the breakup. TJ just kept saying they didn’t click, whatever that meant. All Cyrus knew was Tristan didn’t like him very much at the time; he constantly glared at him when he so much as looked at TJ.

“What does he have to do with any of this?” Cyrus asked, genuinely curious now. He shook salt out onto the table and found himself carving TJ’s name into the specks.

“He looks just like you.” Buffy continued.

“What?” Cyrus looked up abruptly, his fingers freezing in the process of spelling a ‘d’ out onto the salt.

“A brunette.” Andi agreed.

“That doesn’t-”

“Cute brown eyes.” Amber continued.

“The lankiness, the dorkiness, even the way he smiles! ” Buffy spoke up again.

“Ok, here’s a dude’s perspective for ya. You like a girl or a guy but they are unattainable. You go for the next best thing.” Marty interjected.

“Did you just call me unattainable?” A goofy smile slipped onto Cyrus’ face but Marty rolled his eyes, lightly kicking at Cyrus’ shoe under the table.

“Uh…Not the point but yeah, I guess I did. You are unattainable to TJ, Cy. He thinks you’re too good for him.” Marty explained.

“Wow, Marty. Didn’t know you had a sense of humour.”

“Ha Ha. I wasn’t making a joke and you know it.” Marty said, for once in his life holding a straight face as he spoke the honest truth.

A young waitress placed their orders of baby taters, milkshakes and burgers down in front of them before walking off. Cyrus watched longingly as Buffy pulled the top off her burger, plucked the pickles off her beef patty and placed them onto Marty’s cheeseburger. Marty smiled down at his meal before looking over at Buffy adoringly. You could practically see the heart eyes.

Buffy had been the one to ask Marty out in their last year of middle school. It caught Marty off guard because Buffy had never shown an interest or at least he thought she didn’t like him like that. But lo and behold, there Buffy was walking up to him with her usual amount of sass and asking him ' _ if he wanted to go out with her or not? _ ' Cyrus hadn’t agreed with Buffy’s choice of words but Marty had jumped for joy.

They were one of the longest lasting couples Cyrus had ever encountered. It wasn’t a surprise because they complemented each other so well. Buffy did all these subtle affectionate things because she wasn’t big on PDA. Marty, on the other hand, was obvious in his love for her and made a big display of it. The entirety of Grant High knew that these two were absolutely enamoured with each other.

“You’re a dumbass. Do you even see the way he looks at you?” Amber sighed as her eyes flicked over to Andi for a short second before her gaze returned to him. But Cyrus had already seen the look of pining Amber directed towards Andi and smirked around a bite of baby tater. Oh how he wished the person giving him advice would take it herself. 

He opened his mouth to argue but Jonah interrupted. “Ooh, oh, I got one. The muffin.”

“What about it?” Cyrus asked, turning to Jonah and sipping at his milkshake.

“He doesn’t get the rest of us chocolate-chocolate chip muffins. We’ve complained about it and he still doesn’t. But every single day, without fail, you have a new TJ-exclusive muffin on your tray.” Jonah explained, a proud smile crossing his face, as he pulled a baby tater from Cyrus’ basket.

“That doesn’t mean-”

“Oh my god, Goodman!” Andi was beyond frustrated, slamming her fist against the tabletop.

“He’s dating Olivia! Okay? He’s dating her which means he doesn't have feelings for me. And he probably never will.” Cyrus exclaimed, finally losing the last strand of his patience. A few people sitting on the next table over looked up at the commotion and Cyrus wished he could just melt into his seat.

“Because you insinuated that you loved the idea of TJ going out with Olly.” Amber hissed back.

“I just told her what she wanted to hear. TJ was single, I couldn’t tell her to not go for it. You do know me, right?”

“Yeah, we know you. You’re always sacrificing your wants for other people!” Buffy exclaimed, irritation clear in her voice.

“That's it. I’m going home.” Cyrus stood up, realizing his mistake immediately. He had the window seat in the booth he shared with Jonah and Andi and they both covered his pathway out.

He swallowed the lump in his throat before gritting his teeth. “Let me out.”

Jonah looked dejected and made to move but Andi wasn’t having it. She put a hand on Jonah’s shoulder to force him still as she stared at Cyrus, challenge in her eyes.

“Sit down, Cyrus. We aren’t done.” Amber crossed her arms, leaning back in her seat.

“I’m done.” Cyrus said, his frustration simmering under his skin and tears building behind his eyes. “Andi, move.”

“No.”

Jonah looked up at Cyrus and recognition passed across his features. Before anybody else could argue, Jonah was pushing Andi out of the booth with enough force to cause both of them to topple onto the linoleum floor. Cyrus used the distraction to slip out and stumble over to the main exit as tears fell down his face. He heard the sound of Buffy calling his name and the jingle of the door bell as he left the diner. 

He was long gone before anybody could dispute his actions. He silently thanked Jonah for seeing something he didn’t want the others to see.

~~~~~~~~~~ 

“What the hell did you do to Cyrus?” TJ addressed the group as he deposited his tray onto the lunch table, sitting down next to Jonah. Marty and Jonah had grim looks on their faces, Buffy was pouting and Andi played with her tuna salad. Amber looked up at her brother sharply, gritting her teeth at him. She sighed at the worried, clueless expression on his face before looking over at the table Cyrus was now occupying.

He was sitting with Reed, Leo and Walker and soon to be joined with Iris and her girlfriend Kaitlin who walked hand-in-hand towards the group of boys. Cyrus knew most of the group quite well as they had been in Drama club together since freshman year. But what TJ didn’t understand was why Reed was there; Drama club was the last thing on earth Reed would take part in.

The blonde was sitting unnecessarily close to Cyrus, snug against his side and Cyrus was laughing, small cute crinkles lining the side of his eyes. 

TJ could already feel his blood boiling and his hands rolled up into fists at his side, nails digging crescent shapes into his palms.

“-J, TJ!”

He looked up abruptly, noting the odd looks everyone at the table gave him. Olivia had joined him at some point and tried to get his attention only to catch him watching Cyrus’ table.

She frowned at the sight of Cyrus jokingly punching Reed on the shoulder before stealing a grape off his tray, munching at it dramatically. Olivia couldn’t help but feel a strange twist in her stomach watching Reed and Cyrus’ comradery.

“Why isn’t Cyrus sitting with us?” She asked, looking across at Andi for an answer but Andi was staring at Cyrus with a long face, not paying attention to her surroundings either.

Cyrus looked back at Andi, a shadow of hurt flitting over his expression as their eyes met but he quickly shook himself out of it when Walker caught his attention.

~~~~~~~~~~ 

The next time TJ noticed Cyrus’ weird companionship with Reed, it was while he was driving by the park. The same park that TJ and Cyrus had frequented almost every month since they had first met.

Cyrus was back at the GHC table, the group of them had apologized for whatever their issue had been and Cyrus being Cyrus had forgiven them. If TJ knew what that was about, he wouldn’t have them get away with it that easily but Cyrus refused to disclose what the fight was about. At the same time, TJ was glad that Cyrus had taken their apology because it meant that he wouldn’t be hanging around Reed as much. But he was wrong. Because-

Because there they were, Reed and Cyrus at the swings, laughing like old friends. They swung unhurriedly and without a care in the world, not taking their eyes off each other as they talked amicably.

TJ didn’t remember parking his car on the side of the road. He didn’t remember getting out and stomping over to the swing set. He did remember the scalding anger just under his skin.

_ This park was their place. Why would Cyrus bring him here? _

“Reed.” He gritted out and Reed and Cyrus both looked up mid-conversation. Cyrus seemed surprised to see him but Reed not so much. He smirked at TJ before stepping off the swings that TJ always occupied in his trips with Cyrus.

“Hey, TJ.” Reed said in a syrupy sweet voice.

“Hey Teej.” Cyrus addressed simultaneously.

“Reed.” TJ muttered again, ignoring Cyrus for the moment. “Can I talk to Cyrus?”

“Sure.” The blonde said, not moving an inch as he smiled at TJ.

“Alone.” TJ practically spat, walking closer to the pair.

“Pencil, is that okay with you?” Reed asked, turning to Cyrus.

TJ turned to Cyrus for the first time since this godforsaken conversation had started. The boy in question didn’t look happy. His confusion had quickly turned into a frown at TJ’s behaviour.

“Uh, sure, R.”

The nickname made TJ flinch.  _ Cyrus had a nickname for Reed. _

Reed nodded before turning his gaze towards TJ again. There was amusement in his eyes but also, a strange protective undertone as he glared at TJ. He waved at Cyrus before walking over to his parked bike. TJ waited for Reed to put on his helmet and ride off before he turned to his best friend, who still sat at the swings swaying gently with the light breeze.

“Are you mad at me or something?” Cyrus asked, his voice soft.

“Why are you hanging out with Reed?” TJ asked, stepping closer to Cyrus but not taking the swing next to him.

“Because he’s my friend.” He answered, perplexed by TJ’s snippy tone.

“No, he isn’t. I don’t know what he wants. But he’s definitely not your friend.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Cyrus snapped as he stepped off the swings, meeting TJ head on.

“Just that, I don’t want you to hang around him, Cy. He’s trouble.” TJ gritted out and Cyrus had already had enough.

“You really don’t know what you’re talking about, do you?” Cyrus retorted. “He’s gotten better. He’s good now.”

“You don’t know-”

“I do know. How would you even know? You don’t even hang around long enough to see how good he’s become. And just so we’re clear, you have no right to pick my friends for me.” Cyrus was red in the face now.

He didn’t know exactly what made him furious; maybe it was the fact that his relationship with TJ was slowly deteriorating or maybe it was the fact that TJ was insinuating that he was incapable of taking care of himself, incapable of picking the right people to be around.

“Cyrus, I’m just trying to protect you.” TJ said exasperatedly, looking down at Cyrus with a pleading look in his eyes.

“I can protect myself!” Cyrus exclaimed.

“Fine. Why the hell are you bringing him to our place then?” TJ brushed a hand through his hair in frustration. His perfectly sculpted hair fell over his forehead.

“What?” Cyrus was perplexed. “Our place?”

“The swing set. It’s our place. You can’t just bring anyone you want here?”

“This is public property, I can bring whoever the heck I want. And it most definitely is not our place. When was the last time we hung out here?” Irritation laced Cyrus’ voice as he spoke each word.

TJ couldn’t remember. Was it last month? Or the month before that?

“You know what, just leave.” Cyrus sighed tiredly when he didn’t get an answer.

“Cy-”

“Leave!” Cyrus exclaimed as he turned back to the swings, hiding his face from TJ’s view.

“Fine!” TJ shouted, turning around as he grinded his teeth and marched back to his car, without turning around.

It had been a beautiful day to be out in the park with his best friend but all he could hear in his mind was the rushing thoughts of  _ what the hell did he just do? _

~~~~~~~~~~  

Reed Carver was not the kind of guy to take things into his own hands. He always just went with the flow. He was chill and that was his defining quality. But it became increasingly hard to be a go-with-the-flow kind of dude when the girl you loved dated your ex-best friend.

So imagine Reed’s surprise when said ex-best friend was coming after him instead of the other way around. The calm and collected TJ Kippen himself nailed him to the change room lockers after basketball practice two days after their encounter at the park.

“What the hell did you say to Cyrus?” TJ looked livid, his hand hooked into the front of Reed’s shirt in a dangerously tight hold.

“Nothing.” Reed said honestly, his stupid smirk still very much decorating his face.

“Cut the shit, moron.” TJ sneered, slamming him further into the lockers.

“Maybe if you paid attention to him, he wouldn’t be mad at you.” Reed said as he pushed TJ off of him. 

That was the complete and utter truth. In all honesty, Cyrus missed TJ so terribly that Reed had done everything in his power to become a replacement for him.

It had all started in the second week after TJ and Olivia had started dating. He had found Cyrus crying under the football field bleachers when he had gone out for a smoke at lunch. The boy was bawling and Reed had sat with him all through lunch trying to cheer him up. Reed had already swallowed the concept of Olly dating TJ like a bitter pill but it seemed harder for Cyrus. He wondered what Cyrus had gone through when TJ had dated Tristan and he wished he had been there for him then too.

An idea had popped into Reed’s head when he had caught TJ staring at Cyrus and him sitting at a table together. TJ was well and truly jealous. He had feelings for Cyrus and he was just an oblivious idiot.

Reed had to make TJ jealous enough to break up with Olivia because if he truly loved Cyrus, he was playing with Olly’s feelings and hurting Cyrus, and Reed wouldn’t let either of those things happen any longer.

“What does that mean?” TJ asked. He looked lost and Reed wished he could just tell him the truth but TJ had to figure this one out on his own. Reed owed that much to Cyrus.

“Ask him yourself.” Reed said as he grabbed his duffle bag off the ground and walked towards the exit, sighing in annoyance at TJ’s complete lack of awareness.

~~~~~~~~~~ 

“You’re having a party?” Andi asked as she bit into her apple.

“Yeah, my birthday’s tomorrow and I thought why not. My parents are cool with it as long as I don’t trash the place.” Olivia explained, excitement pouring from her exaggerated hand movements.

“Sick, Olly! Can I invite the team?” Marty asked, looking up from his phone as he texted out group invites. 

“I already did.” TJ said as he walked over to the table.

“Thanks, Teej.” Olivia responded as she planted a kiss to his cheek. 

She looked over at Cyrus who hadn’t made one comment since the beginning of lunch, he just sat there scribbling in his notebook.

TJ had told her that he had a small argument with Cyrus but she didn’t think their fight would warrant two lunches of complete and utter silence from Cyrus.

Andi and Buffy chose to ignore it for the most part while Amber threw glare after glare at her brother. Marty was so utterly unimpressed with both of their behaviour at this point, he had taken a liking to his phone. Jonah was usually the one who struck up the conversations with Cyrus and JB didn’t know it, but his sense of normality was the one thing keeping Cyrus sane. 

Unknown to most was the fact that Jonah always knew more than he let on and he chose to be oblivious to the negatives around him. His dumb act always came in handy when he had to play the neutral during fights between friends. Cyrus noticed Jonah’s sense of awareness first. It was the small things like when the Becks were going through their bankruptcy, Jonah acted like everything was sunshine and rainbows. The GHC knew he didn’t have a lot of money to spend so they would look for fun things to do around the neighborhood that didn’t require money, and Jonah noticed but he pretended to go along with their effort. When the girls were badgering Cyrus about TJ, Jonah noticed the way Cyrus’ breath picked up and he did what he had to do to get Cy out of there. It was the little things but Cyrus thought he couldn’t ask for a better friend than Jonah freaking Beck.

“Cy, you’ll come, right?” Olly asked gently, interrupting his chain of thoughts and he looked up at the girl in question.

Olivia was the epitome of drunken enthusiasm, her entire face beaming like all the stars in the universe had graced her skin. She looked so radiant that the thought of saying ‘no’ to her slipped Cyrus’ mind the moment it came and Cyrus found himself smiling with her. 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He said, his grin wobbled just slightly when his eyes flitted over to the boy standing next to her, and he quickly looked back down at his notebook. TJ’s attempt at an apologetic smile shattered at Cyrus’ subtle rejection and he sighed before pulling out a paper bag from his backpack.

Last lunch, TJ had unwrapped Cyrus’ muffin and placed it next to him only for Cyrus to return it to TJ’s lunch tray before leaving for his next class.

“Hey Marty, do you want this chocolate-chocolate chip muffin?” TJ asked, loud enough for Cyrus to hear, as TJ pretended to push the baked good towards Marty.

Cyrus froze for about half a second before continuing with his work, without looking up.

“Are you serious, dude? Really?” Marty looked ecstatic as he reached for the muffin before jerking his hand away when Buffy kicked him under the table.

“Nah, dude. I’m okay.” He said shakily.

“Jonah, you want it instead?” TJ asked, annoyance deep in his voice.

“No, Tee. Why don’t you give it to Cyrus?” Jonah asked, cutting straight through the tension like a sharp hot knife.

Cyrus jerked up at that. “Guys, I’m gonna go ask Reed something real quick. I’ll see you after school.” He addressed Buffy and Andi before walking off abruptly. He had completely ignored TJ and he watched as Cyrus smiled at Reed, joining him and the rest of the basketball players at their table.

TJ wanted to scream out his frustration but he simply stood up and stomped off to find a wall to punch.

Olivia watched this whole scene in silence, gulping back the brokenness. That was the final nail to the coffin, watching TJ and Cyrus look  _ miserable  _ apart. Olivia didn’t think she had ever seen TJ just  _ itching _ to make things better with Cyrus. She didn’t think it was possible for TJ to be this strung out and wistful like a puppy hoping for his owner to return to him. And it struck Olivia, with unsurprising clarity, that TJ had always been in love with Cyrus, he was just not aware of it until this. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

The party was in full swing by the time Cyrus had entered with Jonah and Marty. The living room was wrecked, there were red cups littering almost every surface, beer spilled onto the carpet and chips scattered all over the coffee table. The music was booming making it feel like the house was moving with it and Cyrus was surprised the neighbors hadn’t called the cops yet.

Buffy stumbled out of the crowds of people, saw them and proceeded to fling herself at Marty. She was more than a little tipsy and smiled goofily at her boyfriend.

“Babe, are you drunk already?” Marty chuckled.

“You’re late, Mart. Really late.” Buffy whined as she sipped at the mixed cocktail in her hand.

“Sorry. TJ called us to pick up a few bags of chips. We are running low on the snacks but obviously not on the beer.” He said as he pulled the red cup from Buffy, gulping the last of the contents.

“Hey!”

“Slow down, B.” Marty said as he half-walked half-carried Buffy to a nearby couch.

Cyrus searched for Andi and found her laughing with Amber in one corner of the room. Amber had one hand next to Andi’s head, standing close to her, while Andi leaned against a wall, sipping from her red cup. They weren’t even trying to make it subtle anymore.

“I’ll catch you later, Cy-guy. I see Libby and I want to challenge her to drunken sign language once I get a few into my system.” Jonah said as he excitedly waved at the blonde sitting on the couch.

“Um, have fun with that.” Cyrus said but Jonah had already left him.

For the first time in his high school career, Cyrus felt alone. Usually TJ wouldn’t leave his side for a minute in lively parties because he knew how uncomfortable Cyrus got with herds of drunken people surrounding him. This time around though, Cyrus and TJ were not talking and TJ was way too busy with his girlfriend.

Cyrus tried to look for Olly, wanting to wish her a happy birthday as he shoved through a mass of dancing teenagers and couples making out. With no luck, he found himself in the kitchen, staring curiously at the orange punch.

Cyrus poured some of the mysterious punch into a new red cup and shoved a few barbecue chips into his mouth.

“Are you having fun?”

Cyrus looked up to see a breathtaking boy standing in front of me. Locks of curly red hair fell over his forehead, freckles brushed over his cheeks and nose, but what caught Cyrus off guard were the beautiful blues staring at him.

****

“Can we talk?” Olivia suddenly asked as TJ watched the door for Cyrus and the remaining group to arrive. Andi, Buffy and Amber had already put on their party hats and were dancing like dorks in the living room.

“Uh...sure.” TJ answered as he swallowed the rest of the beer in his cup before chucking it. "Everything ok?"

They ended up in Olivia’s bedroom and TJ swallowed nervously, watching as Olivia turned around to stare at him.

“TJ, can you tell me what I ate for lunch today?” Olly asked. Her hands were trembling and she wrapped them around her frame.

“What?” TJ was baffled by Olly’s question. 

“Ok. Um...What's my favourite colour?” She asked, defeat in her eyes.

_ I don’t know. I don’t know. _

TJ tried to rack his brain for the answer. She must’ve told me.  _ Was it red? Or yellow maybe? _

“I don't...”

“Ok. Ok. How about Cyrus' favorite colour? Do you know what his favourite colour is?” Olly asked, a calmness dripped from her soft voice.

_ Green. But he says he looks best in blue. _

TJ froze for a few moments before catching himself. “No, I... I don't.”

He realized what this was about. He had been caught.

“How long are you gonna lie to yourself? How long are you gonna lie to me?” The frustration bubbled in Olivia's voice as she raked a hand through her curly brown locks.

“What are you-”

“You're in love with him, TJ.”

TJ didn’t reply, he stood there with a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face but he couldn’t get another word out.

Olivia chuckled sadly, almost on the verge of sobbing.

“You know...for a full month and a half, I had myself fooled. Every time you smiled at him, or did something that two best friends just didn't do...I'm like ‘no no, they've just known each other for such a long time’”

“Olivia, I-”

“Let me finish, asshole.”

TJ shut his mouth with an audible click.

“But these last two weeks, when Cyrus even spoke of Reed, you just lost it. The jealousy on your face...my God. Your bad mood. Everything made sense.” Olivia stumbled over to her bed, sitting down.

“I'm sorry, Olivia. I'm so sorry.” TJ kneeled down next to Olivia now, clutching onto her hands.

“But the truth is I've just watched you love Cyrus for months and didn't do something about it. I was being selfish. I wanted you all to myself. But your heart doesn't belong to me at all.” There were tears dribbling down Olivia's cheeks and when TJ went to wipe at them, Olivia slapped his hands away.

She wiped at them herself before glaring furiously at TJ.

“Tell him, moron. Before it's too late. If you let him get away, I'm going to whoop your ass.” She said, pulling off a watery smile.

She could tell that something changed in his eyes. He softly nodded his head and whispered a thank you to her.

TJ stood up, and slowly walked towards Olly’s bedroom door, only stopping for a second.

“Happy Birthday, Olivia.” He whispered as he walked away guiltily, a spark of determination firing up his legs as he made quick steps towards the stairs.

“Plenty of fish in the sea, Olly. Fish that aren't in love with other fish." Olly whispered to herself as she wiped at her eyes with a kleenex, watching TJ walk away.

****

That's all TJ needed for his heart to completely splinter. Olivia had set him free to go after the one person he genuinely cared about and loved, only for him to blow it.

He watched as Cyrus Goodman kissed another boy on the porch of his ex-girlfriend’s house and he felt the shards of his heart stab at his chest.

TJ turned towards the porch stairs, ready to drive home and cry himself to sleep, but froze at Cyrus’ teeny subdued voice.

"Hey, I don’t really feel too good." The slur and shakiness in his voice had TJ turning around. “I think I am gonna go home.”

Is Cyrus drunk?

Cyrus tried to pull away but the boy wouldn’t let go. “Come on, Cyrus.”

“No. No, I should really get home.” Cyrus insisted, attempting to push away again. “Can you let me go?”

There was a panic in Cy’s voice that had TJ’s blood boiling.

“Let. Him. Go.” TJ gritted out, loud enough for both Cyrus and the dimwit to look up.

“What’s it to you?” The redhead sneered, holding Cyrus a little tighter around the waist, enough to make Cy flinch in pain.

That was it. Nobody touched or talked to Cyrus like that.

Before he knew it, he was pulling the redhead off of Cyrus and punching his face. He felt more than heard the sound of the boy's nose breaking.

The distant voice and the hands attempting to pull him back had TJ looking over his shoulder to see Cyrus screaming at him to stop.

“Stop, TJ! You're gonna kill him!” Cyrus exclaimed, still yanking at TJ’s shirt.

“Good!” TJ yelled back at him, his vision was still speckled red with rage as he turned back to land a few more punches to the already bleeding boy.

“No! Fucking  _ stop _ !”

The profanity out of Cyrus' mouth felt like a foreign language and was enough to have TJ freeze in his tracks.

He finally let the jerk go only to see Cyrus stumbling away from the both of them, holding his face in his hands.

“Cyrus! Cyrus.” TJ jogged after him, his sneakered feet hitting the concrete sidewalk hard as he attempted to catch up to the boy. 

“What were you thinking?” Cyrus asked as he stopped abruptly, turning around to shove at TJ’s chest. The boiling rage in the curves of Cyrus' face had TJ stepping back. He'd never seen him that angry before and honest to God, it was _frightening_. 

“I...I was trying to protect you.” TJ retorted.

“That’s a lousy excuse!” Cyrus shoved at TJ again before staggering forward in his drunkenness.

TJ caught him around the waist before he could land face first into the ground. “You're not allowed to go to another party ever.”

“You're not my dad, you can't tell me what the hell I can or can't do.” Cyrus muttered harshly. He got a hold of his balance again, shoving passed TJ.

“Yeah, I can. You can't handle your damn alcohol.” TJ argued, falling in step with him again.

“Why is that your problem?! Why are you here? I’m _nothing_ to you.” Cyrus hissed and TJ grabbed Cyrus’ wrist, stopping him from going any further.

“That’s not true, Cyr-”

"Fine. If I can't go to another party, you can't kiss her in front of me. You can't hold her in front of me-" Cyrus said, turning around. There were tears floating in his brown eyes.

"Why?" TJ said, cutting him off. He knew why but he wanted to hear it from Cyrus.

“‘Cause I’m jealous of her, you idiot!” Cyrus pulled his wrist out of TJ’s hand, stumbling back again.

When TJ caught Cyrus this time, he pulled him in for a kiss. It took Cyrus a few seconds to respond but nonetheless, he found himself melting in TJ’s embrace. TJ didn’t taste like beer or barbecue flavoured chips, his kiss reminded Cyrus of warm hugs and going swimming on a hot summer day and the exhilaration of tobogganing down a steep hill. It was all the joys in life wrapped into simple gesture. 

_ Olivia. _

That thought alone got Cyrus to shove TJ away from him. As much as he wanted to kiss TJ until he was blue in the face, he wouldn’t cheat. He wouldn’t do that to the sweetest girl he had ever met. She deserved better than this.

“TJ, you have a girlfriend.” Cyrus said as the tears finally fell. He felt broken. He felt disgusted with himself.

“Olivia broke up with me.” TJ said that with a smile, his face serene. “You wanna know why?”

Cyrus honestly didn’t understand and in all honest, the alcohol was getting to his head.

“She told me that I was too in love with you to even commit to another relationship.” TJ replied when Cyrus stayed silent.

His heart was beating so fast at this moment that Cyrus could hear the pounding in his ears. Was he hallucinating? There was no way.

“Ar…Are you?” Cyrus asked, his tone weak and vulnerable.

“Yeah.” TJ nodded, a delicate smile painting itself on his face.

Cyrus asked himself if TJ always looked at him with this fond look in his eyes or was this a recent development? Because right now, Cyrus couldn’t look away from the softness that TJ was exuding.

“Are you?” The basketball player asked Cyrus as he stepped closer to him.

“Yeah.” Cyrus blurted, no question in his mind that he was painfully in love with the boy in front of him.

“Good.” TJ sighed in contentment before pulling Cyrus in for another kiss.

They didn’t remember how long they stood outside, under the soft glow of a street light, kissing but it had started to rain.

And Cyrus realized that he would forever associate rain with the love he had for Theodore James Kippen.

  
  
  



	4. "Last Week."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andi and Buffy find out a big secret. Cyrus tries to figure out what the needs to do with the help of a special few. A big date.

**Presently, last week of May**

 

_We ignore truths for temporary happiness._

Words like these existed on billboards and magazines and on that one aesthetic tumblr account you followed because you thought you were eccentric. This time around though, Cyrus had spotted those words on an old display board outside of a small antique store. It was the kind of ancient store that his mother would take him to when he was a kid, with its stained red bricks and dim lights. Any other time he would’ve walked right by it, except that day, he had looked at the cursive scrawl on the board and stopped to read it. He had been saddened by the notion. Why would anyone want to live a lie for short-lasting happiness? It was strange and when he asked the middle-aged woman behind the counter about it, she had said that it was a thing her late grandmother used to say a lot.

“She was a kind soul with too many regrets and too many lies on her ledger. And she would tell me growing up that the clean cut way was the only way to the goodness of life.”

It all sounded too biblical and incomprehensible for Cyrus at the tender age of 15.

But now looking back, he was stupid to think that. He was _so stupid_. He didn’t want to tell the boy he loved the truth because he wanted to live in the false world he had created around himself for a little while longer.

Maybe one more week, he had thought. Except last night, his phone had buzzed with the dreadful sound of his defeat. Bex had let it slip to Andi about Harvard and Andi had immediately proceeded to blow up his phone.

In Bex’s defense, “It has been three weeks and you promised you would tell her, Cyrus.”

But instead of answering Andi’s calls and messages, Cyrus had pulled out his mother’s good wine and cracked it open on the roof of his house, taking swigs as he looked up at the stars.

This morning, he had woken up on his hard cold bedroom floor with a headache the size of Texas and a crick in his neck so agonizing that he thought he’d never be able to turn his head to the side again.

“Good morning, Cy.”

Olivia’s overly chirpy tone was like nails on a chalkboard and it made his head throb in a painful beat.

“Can you knock next time?” He whined as he softly shut his locker to minimize the amount of noise in his vicinity.

“On what door?” Olly asked, her eyes looking him over and zeroing in on the sunglasses settled over his eyes and his slow movements.

“Wait, _wait_. No freaking way! Are you hungover? You drank on a school night? _You drank_?” She asked, falling in step with his pace, her voice a higher octave every time she asked a new question.

“Could you not _announce_ that to the world? I’m trying to keep a low profile right now?” He hissed at her.

“Because Andi and Buffy are hunting you down?”

“What? Where?” Cyrus flinched, looking from side to side and searching the crowds of teenagers gathered around the hallways and lockers. The movement caused an insufferable ache to flame up his neck and with it, a deafening crack of bone reverberated through his body. Well, that solved the crick problem, now he just had to get Andi to keep the Harvard thing on the DL for one more day.

“They called me. Wanted to know where you were.” Olivia said, a small guilty smile brandishing her face.

The sigh that left his lungs took a bit of his soul with it. He had to face the music sometime and he knew he couldn’t avoid his best friends forever.

“Hey Olly, Cy.”

He locked eyes with Reed who had just slipped out of a group of rowdy basketball players, and approached the pair with a goofy smile stretched across his face that quickly turned to confusion at the flinch Cyrus addressed him with.

“Are you okay? Did something happen?” He said, watching Cyrus as he pulled Olivia into his arms, planting a sloppy kiss on her cheek. Olivia grunted in disgust, shoving Reed off of her but the basketballer just held on tighter.

“ _Reed_.” She hissed in annoyance, flicking at his forehead with her manicured fingers.

“Oh, you know you love me.” Reed stuck out his tongue at her and Olly rolled her eyes, directing her attention back to Cyrus who had gone awfully quiet.

Cyrus was staring at something across the hall. His mind had gone blank. It felt like a white sheet of paper had been stuffed inside his head, leaving not a thought in its wake. His eyes concentrated on the dirty blonde hair of the one boy he wanted to simultaneously wrap his arms around and avoid for the rest of his life just so he wouldn’t have to tell him: TJ. TJ who deserved better than him. TJ who had everything going for him but still chose to stay with the biggest idiot in the world. He was captain now. He was keeping his grades to a little above average. He was shoo-in for the university of his first choice if he kept it up. The only flaw to his image was Cyrus Goodman. He was clumsy, a mess and not all that to begin with and now that he was blatantly lying to TJ, he felt even more worthless. That belief alone settled a weight on Cyrus’ chest so immense that it was getting harder and harder to breathe every day.

He waved at Cyrus, a bright smile adorning his face as he shut his locker and stepped away from a conversation with Jonah and Marty.

“I can’t do this. No. Nope.” Cyrus panicked, pushing his sunglasses higher up on his face as he turned away, about to run.

Three things happened simultaneously. Reed and Olivia tried to reach out to stop him, TJ gave him an odd look for his behaviour and Cyrus bumped into Andi and Buffy who looked about ready to kill.

He could only handle one problem at a time and so he propelled forward, taking Andi and Buffy by the wrists and pulling them towards the next nearest hallway to create some distance.

“Please, please, _please_ , don’t say anything to him yet. I’ll explain everything. After school at The Spoon.” Cyrus spoke hurriedly, looking over Andi’s shoulder to keep track of TJ’s progress towards them. He was coming close, his eyebrows furrowed and he didn’t look happy.

“How could you keep-” Buffy started but Cyrus cut her off urgently.

“Oh hi, TJ!” Cyrus’ forced smile and exaggerated wave of hand was Andi and Buffy’s signal to keep their mouth shut and Andi sighed, turning around to greet TJ.

“Hey Teej.” Andi smiled, nodding his way.

“What was that about?” TJ asked.

“I wanted to ask Mr. Student Body President about the prom budget. It’s two weeks away and you know how I am about planning the details.” Andi explained and TJ’s frown disappeared instantly, replaced with a gentle smile.

“Yeah, I remember my birthday party.” He chuckled and Cyrus realized two things about Andi Mack. 1) She was a better liar than he could ever be. She spoke every word with smooth conviction and he would applaud but it would give her away. 2) She clearly had TJ wrapped around her finger. Man, he needed to take notes.

“Cy, what’s with the shades?” TJ gestured to his face.

“Oh, you haven’t heard? Cy drinks now.” Olly chuckled, sliding up next to TJ with Reed by her side.

“ _Olivia!_ This was a one time thing. I don’t drink.” Cyrus huffed, crossing his arms.

“What sparked that on?” Reed asked, a slew of forehead lines forming. This was concerning because out of all of them, Cyrus was the least likely to consume alcohol, even in parties. Everyone knew this like a fact.

“Story for another time.” Cyrus responded quickly, a slight fidget to his hands. That was the red flag that got TJ’s attention. Through the years of knowing Cyrus, there were things that caught his attention immediately. The eyebrow twitch, the fidgety hands, the speech pattern. You learned to catch the little things if you paid enough attention and you had to be living under a rock to not know that TJ paid the most attention to Cyrus. God knew how he hadn’t found out about Harvard.

“TJ, did you want to ask me something?”

“I can’t just look for my boyfriend?” TJ responded, uncertainty in his tone as he tried to read Cyrus.  _Why had he gotten drunk? What wasn’t Cyrus telling him?_

He wanted to ask but what if Cyrus was uncomfortable talking about it here. It was better to ask him about it alone. _Alone_.

“Actually, I wanted to ask if you were free tomorrow afternoon. The Shadyside Summer Festival is in town and I thought we could go.” TJ asked, a luminescent hope in the crinkles of his eyes. They hadn’t had a proper date with all the hoards of tests and assignments taking up most of May but this would be just the thing to cheer Cy up. And they could talk in the car.

“Oooh, can we come?” Olivia piped up from behind TJ, gesturing to herself and Reed.

“Actually I wanted to-” TJ started, turning towards the pair but was interrupted by Buffy before he could explain that he really was all into group dates but he wanted some alone time with his boy.

“And maybe, I can ask Marty too?”

“And I’ll invite Amber!” Andi clapped her hands together. “It’s a plan.”

“Oh okay, great, it’s a plan.” TJ said, sighing in fond annoyance. These past few weeks, the GHC did an unhealthy amount of group activities together. Maybe they didn’t all notice it but it was like they knew these times were the only ones they had for awhile before they left for college. They were making the most of it. They had spent almost every Thursday catching half-off movies at the Shadyside drive-in. There was the rollar skating thing and The Spoon hangouts and dates.

Buffy turned to Cyrus again, throwing a look his way. _Tell him. Tell him._

There was concern on her face and Cyrus could tell that Buffy was afraid that if he didn’t tell TJ, this could all become an entirely different problem.

Relationships ran on trust and honesty and Cyrus was applying neither right now. He was lying. He didn’t trust himself or TJ with the truth yet. Telling TJ meant it was something concrete. Telling TJ meant he couldn’t treat his reality like clay, malleable, to mold it into something it wasn’t: inextinguishable hope and love.

He was tired of spending each waking moment with TJ as his last. He was tired of having the afterthought of _I’m going to miss this._ _I’m gonna miss those eyes._ _Those laugh lines._ That _laugh. I’m going to miss you holding my hand. I’m going to miss you cuddling me while we watched drive-in movies. I’m going to miss kissing your pouts away. I’m going to miss jamming out in the car with you and falling asleep and knowing you’ll carry me inside if I did. I don’t know if I can do this. Idon’tknowifIcan-_

“Cy!”

The world slowly came back to him. He had been staring at the space just left of Buffy’s shoulder and TJ had settled a hand on his forearm in an urgency to get his attention. He cracked a small smile to diminish the wrinkle between TJ’s brows but had only managed to deepen it.

“Sure thing, can’t wait. I should go. English waits for no one.” Cyrus mumbled as he gave TJ a chaste kiss before stepping away and turning towards the hallway to his class. Behind him, Buffy put a hand to TJ’s chest to stop him from going after Cyrus.

“He’s okay. He’s just stressed about school.”

That wasn’t a lie. Cy _was_ stressed about school. One school in particular. And whether he should go to it.

 

*******

You see, Andi was creative with her coping. She made excuses to see the group on weekends by asking them to help her decorate and set up the house like it was of utmost importance, even though the house had been bought and moved into since the beginning of September.

Andi dragged Amber into thrifting with her and Amber got so into it, she constantly bugged Andi about their next venture. They also made the cutest little jewelries together that they put up on Etsy. Andi ended up taking 60% of the commissions because “ _hey, New York is expensive_.”

Andi and Jonah took up busking on weekends because turns out “ _Andi, you have a voice of an angel.”_ Jonah played the guitar and Andi sang the songs. They got really popular at the Shadyside bus stops.

Buffy didn’t have to get creative. She spent the least amount of time with them because between school, basketball and the five hours of training she did with her Olympic coach everyday, she rarely had time to breathe and it was hard to catch her free for a hang out, so the GHC had to get creative for her. It wasn’t like she didn’t try. She dragged Marty into working out with her. She woke up early to walk to school with Andi or Cyrus or both. Andi and Cy did homework with her so she wouldn’t fall behind.

They weren’t the only ones keeping Buffy on track. As shocking as it was, TJ spent every other Saturday doing Buffy’s laundry. Cyrus helped out because “ _hey, quality time with my favourite boyfriend.” “I’m your only boyfriend, Cyrus.”_ Marty had begged him one day because Buffy was really struggling with doing the miniscule everyday things with the small amount of time she had to herself but the thing was, TJ didn’t need all that convincing to begin with because despite their constant bickering, he would do anything for Buffy.

Buffy really appreciated it. She kept a strong face but they knew she was really struggling with the idea that despite the work she had put in for the past five years, it was incredibly hard leaving her best friends.

But the thing was, both Andi and Buffy could leave Shadyside because they knew one day they’d get to return to it. Being the son of four psychotherapists should mean that Cyrus would be good at this too but he wasn’t. All his life, Cyrus had put pieces of himself all around town. Not _actual_ pieces. He was a meddler so almost every resident knew him for fixing things or interfering. Like the time he had broken his leg trying to get Mr. Calvin’s cat from a tree or that time he had gotten Mrs. Simmons a bouquet of roses because she was alone on Valentines Day. He was a helper and he felt joy doing it and without it, without Shadyside, he wasn’t useful, he was just _Cyrus._

Not only that but he was _attached._ Attached to the specific clouds that floated over his town, attached to the stars that stayed afloat in this orbit, attached to the people that knew his story, his moms and dads who held his hand through all the storms, his friends who never left his side. TJ. TJ who never failed to put a smile to his face. Outside this town, no one knew him and nobody wanted to know him.

So it was no surprise when Andi floored it to The Spoon after school and found Cyrus at the corner booth, sitting and looking at a series of photos. Upon closer look over his shoulder, she could make out TJ’s face in almost all of them. TJ laughing while he looked straight at the camera. TJ stuffing his face at lunch. There was one of TJ and Andi painting the fence of Andi’s house, a streak of off-white paint on his forehead. There was one of him watching something, the blues of the TV screen illuminating off his cheekbones.

He wasn’t the only one being photographed either, there were some of Andi and Buffy when they were doing homework together. There was one of Marty smiling down at his hand intertwined with Buffy’s, it was clear neither of the two had caught Cyrus taking that photo. There was one of Andi piggybacking Amber, Andi’s arms wrapped around Amber’s neck and the two of them giggling.

And all of a sudden, it made sense. Why Cyrus had gotten attached to his shiny new Polaroid. Why Cyrus had bought one in the first place. Her heart sank for him. He was scared of losing them. They had spent all their life in Shadyside. Together. They had gone through all the ups and downs together. They had laughed and cried and fallen in love here. They were all attached to the place and leaving it would be like losing a limb.

The jingle of the diner door brought her back to the present and she caught Buffy’s curly hair as she entered dressed in her basketball uniform. She had come straight from practise. She was worried about him too.

When she turned back, Cyrus was staring straight at her with a panicked look crossing his face.

“How long were you standing there?” He asked unimpressed, a brow raising to his hairline.

“Long enough to get your obsession with taking photos for the better half of May.”

“It’s not an obsession.” He turned back to the photographs, gathering them up and setting them back into the box Bex had given him the day that he had come to talk to her.

_“I gave Andi one when she had memories to keep safe, and now I’m giving you a box. You’re gonna need one because once you start taking photos of them, you’ll have a hard time stopping.”_

“Wait, don’t put them away.” Andi said as she slid into the leather seat across from him, grabbing one of the polaroids from his hurried hands.

“Andi, give that back.”

Buffy deposited her duffle bag next to their table before settling down next to Andi and catching sight of the photo in Andi’s hands. A smile ghosted over her face at the image of her and Marty laughing. She remembered this. They had all gone out for ice cream and TJ had tripped over, getting ice cream all over his shirt and Marty and Buffy had cracked up. Cyrus had seemingly, instead of helping his boyfriend up, snapped the picture of them falling all over each other in their laughter. You could clearly see that Marty had sneaked an arm around her waist as she lost her balance, trying to catch her breath. Just seeing the laugh lines around Marty’s eyes and his cute little dimple had Buffy wanting to laugh all over again. He was the epitome of happiness and she would never say this outloud but he was her joy.

“Cyrus, you have to let me keep this one.” Buffy said as she reluctantly unglued her eyes from the photo, looking up at Cyrus who had finally managed to put all the photographs back in the box and was now trying to snatch the last one from Andi’s moving hands. He stopped at her words, sitting back down in his seat.

“It’s one of you and Marty, isn’t it?” Cyrus asked and when Buffy nodded her head, he mentally tried to catalogue all the photos of them he had.

He didn’t have to think long as Andi slid it towards Buffy. It was the one of them laughing at TJ. He remembered.

“Yeah, of course.” Cyrus responded. There was that rare softness, that Buffy usually only got around Cyrus and Andi, as she picked up the photo with gentle fingers, holding it tightly like as if she didn’t, it would burn away. She was sad too. You could see it in the edges of her eyes. She loved Marty. She didn’t wanna separate. But unlike him, she understood that she had to.

Andi nudged Buffy, jerking her head towards Cyrus whose sadness and exhaustive turmoil surfed through the lines of his face like a flood just waiting to destroy all things in his way.

“What is really going on, Cyrus?” Buffy asked as she settled the photo in her lap and directed all of her attention towards Cyrus. He didn’t say anything, he just shook his head and chewed at his trembling lips.

“You got into Harvard. It’s all you’ve ever talked about. It’s all you’ve ever worked for. So then, why aren’t you happy?” Andi continued, sliding a warm hand into Cyrus’ and squeezing his fingers gently.

“I don’t want to go anymore.” He looked up, a fragility in his features. Andi and Buffy were well aware of how much of a worrier Cyrus was and this particular event was nothing new in their daily lives. What was new was the fact that instead of them complaining about their problems for once, Cyrus was sharing his and laying himself bare. He didn’t know it, but it gave Andi and Buffy a sense of usefulness. They had talked about it time and time again in each other’s company: how Cyrus always talked them out of their issues but never asked for help himself. And in this moment, they knew they would do anything and everything for their best friend because he did the same for them.

“Why?” Buffy pushed her hands on top of Andi’s and his. “Why not, Cy?”

“I was excited. I wanted to go. I mean... _Harvard_. But then I realized, I have everything right here. My family, you guys, TJ.”

“Is that why you haven’t told TJ?” Andi hadn’t seen Cyrus looked so confused, so overwhelmed before. He wanted to go but he wanted to stay close. Harvard wasn’t exactly accommodating when it came to distance.

“I was thinking of not telling him. I got accepted into UofU too so I was thinking-” This was a surprise to Buffy and Andi collectively. They didn’t even know Cyrus had applied to University of Utah; he hadn’t even mentioned a word to them about it.

“ _Cyrus_. What the _hell_? You’ve dreamt of going to Harvard since 3rd grade. TJ would be _furious_ if he heard you were planning on giving up on that just to go to the same school as him-”

“That’s why we are not going to tell him, _right_?” Cyrus cut Buffy off, looking at his best friends with pleading eyes and pursed lips.

“ _Yes, we are._ ” Andi’s frown intensified as she gritted her teeth at the prospect of not telling TJ the truth.

“ _No_ , we’re not.” Cyrus hissed out.

“Well then, I will.”

Cyrus snapped his head over to see Amber standing just behind him. She had her blonde hair tied up in a high ponytail and held a tray of milkshakes in her hands. Two vanillas and a strawberry. Probably on the house for her favourite munchkins. The first thought that crossed his mind was _they saw Amber standing there but didn’t say anything._ He turned back to the girls, a look of betrayal clear on his face. The second thought running through his mind was how far down he was in his own mind that he hadn’t heard Amber approach.

He couldn’t stop Amber. He couldn’t guilt trip her like he could Andi and Buffy. If Amber told her brother the truth, TJ would probably never talk to him again. TJ would be angry. Worst of all, TJ would feel _betrayed._

“Hold on, Amber. Please just hear me out.” He said desperately, getting up from his seat. “Please.”

She walked passed him, a stoic look on her face, and set the tray down on the table. “This better be good.”

Cyrus sat back down and Buffy moved over to sit next to Cyrus so Amber could slide in at Andi’s side. Amber slipped the milkshakes towards Andi and Buffy and put one down in front of Cyrus before finally looking at him. There was so much disappointment in her face. And he wondered for a second how TJ would look when he found out. _If_ he found out.

“Look, if I go to Utah, I’ll be two hours away from Shadyside. I’ll be close to family. I’ll be with TJ. Think about it, we could share an apartment and go to school together. We…we won’t have to separate. And Marty and Olly and Reed will be there. It’ll...it’ll be great.” His hands were shaking so bad. It all sounded great so why was his heart still sinking?

Amber’s expression hadn’t changed. She got up then, straightened down her uniform and stepped out of the booth. “Not good enough.”

Cyrus caught her wrist in a panic. “Please, Amber. Don’t tell him.” There was water in his voice and Amber’s heart softened. She felt the tremor of his fingers on her wrist and her cold demeanour melted. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. Cyrus was taking too big of a risk and if TJ got hurt in all this, she wouldn’t know how to start fixing the mess. But she turned back anyway, ignoring her brain yelling at her _to tell TJ before it was too late_.

But hurting Cyrus and TJ’s relationship wasn’t something she could do, all she could do was persuade Cyrus to tell TJ before he found out himself.

“Andi, got a quarter?” She asked.

Andi started rummaging through her pockets and then, looked up when she fully comprehended the odd request. “Why?”

“Just gimme a coin.” Amber said exasperatedly. “I’m not exactly on break.”

“Here.” Buffy passed the aforementioned coin over to Amber without a question and Amber threw a smile her way. “Thanks, B.”

She held the coin up towards Cyrus. “Pick. Going to UofU or Harvard. Pick which side is which.”

It all made sense to Andi then. She had taught her the coin toss trick and Andi couldn’t be more proud of her best friend in that one moment. Andi wanted to kiss her then but this was way more important than throwing her restraint out the window and planting one on a girl she hadn’t even told the truth to. She was such a hypocrite, sitting here trying to get Cyrus to tell TJ about Harvard when she couldn’t tell Amber how she felt.

“What? I don’t get it.” Cyrus said, staring at the shiny silver coin in Amber’s fingers.

“Just pick.”

“Ah...heads for Harvard and tails for UofU.”

“Ok.” Amber threw the coin up into the air, catching it swiftly and slapping it over onto her knuckle.

“Tails.”

Amber didn’t have to look up to see the shuttered look on Cy’s face, she heard it in his anxious breath, Buffy caught it in the tension in his hands as he clutched the fabric of his jeans tightly, his knuckles turning pale. Andi watched the fake smile appear on Cyrus’ face, his wet eyes staring at the coin in Amber’s hand.

“There you go, Cy. Go to Harvard.”

“But it was Utah. The coin said Utah.”

“It wasn’t the coin that chose for you. It was you. You already know what you want. You’ve worked all your life for it. You refused to fail P.E. in middle school because no Ivy League school would take you. You’ve done drama club four years in a row, you’ve applied for every position on the student government and you’ve been student body president for sophomore and senior year. You want this. You want Harvard." Andi spoke gently, mouthing a thank you to Amber as the girl stood up.

“Cy, you didn’t see the way you shut down when the coin showed tails. I know you’re confused but it’s okay.” Buffy said as she loosened Cyrus’ grip on his jeans, softly unfolding his fist and laying his fingers flat against the table.

“So please tell Teej.” Amber said as she picked up the tray, holding it under her arm.

“But what’s gonna happen to us?” Cyrus said, looking down at his lap. “Me and TJ?”

“I promise you you’ll be fine.” Amber responded, ruffling his hair lightly. “Believe me.”

When Cyrus looked up, the brokenness in his smile still gave way to struggle but for once, Amber knew that if TJ was told the truth, he would know how to fix that shattered expression.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” She asked waiting for the nod from Cyrus in order to turn towards some of the new arrivals at the corner table. She knew it seemed hard now but if anyone could outlive this dilemma, it was TJ and Cyrus.

*****

 

Cyrus had stayed up 'till 2:00 trying to convince himself that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if he told TJ. They had gone through so much together. He remembered the costume day fiasco clear as day. He remembered the anger he felt for TJ then. And all of that could’ve been avoided If TJ just communicated that Kira was the culprit behind that whole thing. Wasn’t this just like that catastrophe? If he didn’t tell him now, TJ would feel so betrayed. So hurt. _This could all be avoided._ That was the mantra that flowed through his head as he stepped out of the car Thursday night.

The Shadyside Summer Festival was in full swing when they arrived hand in hand. There were mesmerizing lights draping the whole place and games and rides and laughter and screams of excitement and for the time being, Cyrus forgot about the rush of his thoughts and the words that weighed heavy on his tongue. He held TJ’s hand tighter and dragged him away from the rest of the group, a silent thrill running through his veins. The first thing on his list were the funnel sticks that blanketed the air with aromas of powdered sugar and frying oil. TJ insisted he pay for them and while Cyrus argued with him about how he couldn’t pay for all of their dates, TJ slipped the vendor a ten dollar bill and ran from Cyrus when he got even more pissed at him for not listening.

That was their first laugh of the night and as Cyrus walked snug against TJ’s side, he stared up at his boyfriend wondering how he had gotten so lucky. And for a moment, he lost sight of everything around him, and watched TJ’s moving lips and fluttering eyes as he passionately talked about some new video game he had gotten. TJ was a few inches taller than him and it gave Cyrus the perfect opportunity to count his long lashes.

“What?” There was amusement in TJ’s voice when he abruptly looked down at him. “Is there something on my face?”

“Yeah. Everything I’ve ever wanted.” It wasn’t like Cyrus was flirting. He was not and he really never could. But TJ made him say stupid, mushy things before he could think them through and for once, he didn’t regret how stupid his words had sounded because what followed was TJ’s musical laugh. For some odd reason, Cyrus found himself shocked at how much he had fallen in love with the sound of TJ Kippen’s laughter. It was like the sound of sharp waves at the beach shore and at the same time, like the soft chirping of birds in the bizarre hours of the morning. It made him feel special because TJ didn’t laugh much around the others but he laughed with him. It made him feel like he had won something he had strived for all his life. He wished for more of those laughs on a loop. He wondered if he could record them on his phone so he could listen when TJ wasn’t around.

_When TJ wasn’t around._

_Shit_.

He shoved the thought away in the deepest cavern of his mind before he could fall back into a panic over the line of thinking that had already consumed too much of his time and mind. He wasn’t about to ruin this night. It was too beautiful and pleasant of a moment to drown in misery. He refused to.

“Yeah, well, I’ve never met someone who fills me with as much love as you do.” TJ stared at him with the same tenderness he had been dripping when he had confessed his feelings for him. They had come a long way since then.

“You sap.” Cyrus leaned in to kiss him but caught sight of the crisp lights of the ferris wheel just behind TJ, and then he was pulling his boyfriend again.

The festival’s brilliance truly emanated at the top of the ferris wheel. There was so much elation in the streets of Shadyside tonight and for more than once that night, Cyrus wished he could trap this feeling of complete peace and happiness in a bottle and take it to his next venture because he couldn’t even think about living without these streets, these smiles and this _family._

Cyrus was so absorbed in taking in the view and memorizing it that he didn’t notice how close TJ was until the basketball player nudged his face with the palm of his hand and pulled him in for a kiss.

Here’s a story Cyrus would tell anyone who would listen, he’d shout it out if he could. It was one thing to get front row seats to the most beautiful town in Utah, it was another to kiss the most beautiful boy in that town. That’s how Cyrus felt. With the cold night breeze brushing passed his cheeks, the murmur of the festival below him and the gleaming stars above, it felt like everything in the world would be okay as long as TJ was close and breathing life into him. TJ pulled back to give him some space but Cyrus was not having it. He pushed forward, pressing himself closer and wrapping his arms around TJ’s neck, wanting to stretch the moment out for as long as he could.

He’d read somewhere that humans had a habit of forgetting to hold onto the moments of happiness that were thrown at them. They would blink and the moments would disappear.

Cyrus feared that the most: forgetting the moments, forgetting the one person that made him the happiest, the one person he cherished with every strand of his being. He wondered how many more kisses he could have, how many more times TJ would hold him in his arms before they had to leave each other. And so Cyrus decided that blinking was something he couldn’t afford to do. Every moment counted and you had to have your eyes open to enjoy them. Which is why Cyrus still hadn’t let TJ go, he kissed him like his life depended on it and until he could no longer breathe.

When they broke apart, they had almost made it back to the ground and they stepped off the ride in silence. Just as Cyrus thought he would be able to pull back the tears that had sprouted up again, TJ grabbed onto his wrist.

“What aren’t you telling me?” He asked, a crack in his voice and Cyrus wondered what exactly he’d done to put the stress in TJ’s tone.

“At the moment? The fact that I’m more in love with you than I initially thought.” Cyrus said, turning towards TJ.

“Are you disappointed?” TJ questioned, more firmly this time. His eyes connected with Cyrus’ and he caught sight of the brimming tears.

“Why would I be?”

“You kissed me like it the last time you would. Is something wrong? Did I do something?”

“No! No. I just... got caught up in the moment. I promise nothing’s wrong. If anything, everything feels _right._ ” And that wasn’t a lie. Even with the heaviness of his truth weighing on his shoulder, nothing could feel more right than holding TJ’s warm hands. He pulled both of his hands up, gently brushing his lips to TJ’s knuckles. “Thank you for being here.”

Then, the silence was back and Cyrus got ready to tell TJ the truth, breathing in slowly and trying to slow down the loud and fast beating of his heart.  He had to. TJ needed to know-

“Last week.” TJ cut through his thoughts, catching Cyrus’ eyes again.

“What?” Cyrus’ brows furrowed.

“Last week, at The Spoon, you were spouting facts about the challenges gay men face when adopting and I realized that I would do anything to have that kind of life with you. The one where we could adopt kids. You and me, a house, maybe two kids. And then, I realized that there was no one else, I _always_ imagined my life with you. Dating you, marrying you, having kids and watching them make a life of their own, growing old together. I realized I was more in love with you than I initially thought and it happened last week. I thought you’d like to know.”

For about a full minute, there was nothing but Cyrus’ wide brown eyes and still body and then the first sob filled the space between them. TJ froze. He had never _never_ seen Cyrus cry like this. In mere seconds, Cyrus had pushed his knuckles against his eyes as he shook in silence, tears covering his cheeks and dripping off the edge of his nose.

“I don’t deserve you.” Cyrus whispered and that pulled TJ right out of his panicked daze as he pulled his boyfriend into his arms, smoothing a hand down his back. “No, Cy. The thing is I _never_ deserved you but you gave me a chance anyway and I can’t thank you enough for it.”

And just like that, Cyrus forgot everything, too busy soaking TJ’s navy sweater with his tears and snot.

  



End file.
